>I need to get a grip, nearly my whole appointment with my psychologist was me talking about my bloody file, she says I need to stop thinking about it and that there is nothing in there that is ‘out to get me’. I want to stop worrying about it, I want to forget about it, but I can’t. I want to burn it.
We talked a bit about my eating (lack of it). I never really feel comfortable talking to her about that, at first I said I didn’t want to talk about it, but she made the good point that she can’t help me unless I start talking about it. It is difficult as my metabolism has really slowed down now, I seem to be loosing 1 single pound every three days, which is hard, it makes me want to cut my calorie intake down even further, but I no once I have done that, then there is little way back.
My BMI is 16.6, I should be happy with that, but I am not, I still feel ‘chubby’, I can still pinch all of my fat, there is handfuls of it. I want to be happy, but will I ever be satisfied and happy with my weight? I have been saying all along that I am not going to let myself get as ill as I have done in the past, but I can now see it happening, it scares me as I thought I had enough control to stop when the time is right, but I don’t no if I have.
My psychologist suggested an exercise that may help me, I thought I would share it with you, as it could be helpful to all of us. You make a poster advertising anorexia or which ever ED you have, seems a bit odd, but I guess it gets you to think about it in more detail.I will give it ago, because to be honest I am willing to give anything a go.