As I am sat here now with my 15 year old brother taking his turn watching me I am willing him to go home, I want him gone as I cannot bare it any more. I need to cut, I need to cut deeper than ever before. The images in my mind are sick, I see myself chopping limbs off, stabbing a knife so deep into my stomach it comes out the other side. I see myself swallowing every pill I can find in the house, drinking litres and litres of vodka. I need him to go, but I no he won’t, my family no I need to be kept safe and I no this is going to carry on for a while. But I need to do these things, there is to much inside me building up.
AHHHHHHHH I just want to scream, I want to be left alone to allow myself to cause all the suffering that I deserve.
Earlier I tried to discreetly pull my cast off, why? I have no idea, it seemed like a way I could cause pain and suffering I guess.
I ache with the need to hurt myself.