When I was in hospital I hardly watched the telly, mainly due to the fact it was on channels I didn’t want to watch. I had to make my own entertainment between activities etc. I did things like colouring in, drawing, puzzles. A lot of the time my time was taken up with naps as well. Since I have been home I have almost been in a trance, I have sat for hours staring at the TV, not taking in what I am watching, practically dribbling through lack of concentration. I said to the crisis team I would attempt to engage in some card making once they were gone, thought about it then just sat there. Basically I am saying I am completely unmotivated.
Friends keep ringing, I ignore, answering would involve effort.
I did phone my care co-ordinator as promised, also had my visit from the crisis team in which I sobbed like a baby. I had the really bad shakes and felt really rough (medication withdrawals), so they said I shouldn’t make myself suffer and should take my meds. I did once they had gone and quickly downed a combination to allow me to get a few hours sleep and see off the shakes and ill feeling.
I am going to take part in art therapy soon, the waiting list for DBT is about a year. I am worried I am going to be left in no where land again, just drifting. Not really knowing who to turn to.
My parents are going to have a carers assessment to see what help they can be offered, this pleases me as I have always said that I have the easy end of the deal, my parents (specially my Dad) are the ones that suffer the most and if there is support that can be offered to them then that can only be a good thing.
I wish I could put into words exactly how I feel, but I don’t think it is explainable. But I expect most of you know exactly what I mean.