I spend tones of money on bio oil, vitamin e creams etc, why am I wasting my money????I am still inflicting the wounds, making the marks forever upon my body, why why why???
Today has been a real toughy, I overslept, the agreement is meant to be that I stick to the hospital routine, which I want to do. But I can’t drag myself out of the bed once I have taken my morning quetiapine, I am sonked and sleep for hours. My Dad rang to get me up, as agreed the night before, I said “yes yes yes I am just getting out of bed now, but as soon as I am off the phone I fall back asleep. We were meant to be walking the dog together, so I get an angry phone call asking me where I am and of course I am still fast asleep.
By now it is afternoon, so I watch a bit of TV and my Dad and I make up and we go and do a chore in town that I was too anxious to do by myself. Then I came home and did some card making, this I am proud of as I have been trying to build up the enthusiasm to do that for days. I made 2 cards, for 2 special people.
Things then started to go down hill quickly, my mood (which was already low) plumitted even more and I became to a jibbering wreck. I turned to my one and only coping technique that works for me SH. I burnt my leg extremely badly and am far from proud of it.After a few hours at home telling myself it was fine (even though it was) I gave in and went to hosp. The nurse was very shocked by it and has temporarily dressed it and want me to go to the main hosp tomorrow to have it seen properly. She also didn’t want me to go home alone, so insisted I either called my Dad or she would call the Crisis Team. So after lots of saying I am fine etc I ended up calling Dad. I hate bringing him into it when he doesn’t need to no, I would always do my best to shelter my family and friends from what a failure I am.
So the nurse tells my Dad that I have to get it looked at tomorrow (normally I would try and take care of it alone) so my family are all worried, which is something I wanted to avoid.
I did do something right though, when I got home from the hosp I decided to call the Crisis Team myself, I want help, I want it to be seen that I am trying to get help. Luckily it was a nurse from the ward that called back, she was really nice and supportive. She says she is going to get the Crisis Team to visit early in the morning so they could come again later in the evening. Also they will be able to help insure I get my leg treated properly.