I always thought I was helping to warn people to not go down my path when I did my YouTube videos and blog, that is all I have ever wanted to do, but I am starting to question that I am encouraging people. I had no one to guide me, to warn me of my future, maybe if I had of done my life would be different now, so I hoped by sharing where I am and how out of control and scary my life actually is this far down the line it would encourage people to seek help, engage in that help and hopefully turn there lives around. But am I doing the opposite? Am I giving people ideas?
If I could go back to being 14 would I have listened if someone told me not to make that first cut or would I have done it any ways? If someone had have told be the effects years of anorexia would have permanently on my body, would I have listened?
A lovely friend on twitter said there is a fine line, I do not want to cross that line, but then what is the point if you are not going to show the true extent of what my life has become. Do you no what my goal is for tomorrow, it is to walk to the post box down the road to post a card to a friend, I am 27 bloody years old and that is my goal for the day, how sad is that. I cannot turn back the years I have lost and the damage I have done, but if I help just one person to get help, to not waste their life then surely it is worth it?