Where am I?

07 Feb

Sorry for my sudden disappearance, I am sure a lot of people probably think I have run off to London without saying good bye, in fact I actually wish that were true, but it couldn’t be any farther from the truth. I am in the psych hospital again, I am not going to the specialist unit in London until probably some when in March. Things took a turn for the worse a couple of weeks ago and I carried out another very serious and damaging act of self harm, involving the tendons in my wrist again. The day after this happened I got informed that my bed in the unit in London wouldn’t be available until March at the earliest. I am not safe to be in the community at the moment, my self harm is far too out of control and dangerous, I think I was just about keeping it together thinking that at the end of January I would be going away and getting the help I truly need. Well now that I have no firm idea of when that will be and it feels like it is getting further and further away rather than closer, I lost hope and the belief in myself that I could cope, so here I am, sat on my bed in the psych hospital, patiently awaiting my turn to go to London, to get better.

I have a dongle now, so can keep in contact a little bit, but to be honest I don’t have much more to say, other than I am sorry I can’t be a stronger person.

Love to you all,xxx


Posted by on 07/02/2012 in Uncategorized


12 responses to “Where am I?

  1. Zoë Smith

    07/02/2012 at 6:55 pm

    Love you too.

    I’m dying, the NHS are trying to kill me.

    sorry I’ve dropped off your radar, too mental and such sad news from you and Charlotte today.


    • tinyratty

      07/02/2012 at 7:21 pm

      The NHS have lots of blood on their hands, please don’t let let have the satisfaction of yours too. xxx

  2. Dawny

    07/02/2012 at 6:57 pm

    Soooo good to hear from you Amy….
    Sorry things accelerated again, and keeping my fingers firmly crossed a bed reveals itself very, very soon.

    Stay safe

    • tinyratty

      07/02/2012 at 7:22 pm

      Thanks Dawn, I will be in London before you no it (hopefully!) xxx

  3. jermec

    07/02/2012 at 7:01 pm

    I can’t offer anything constructive, but I’ve missed you. Picked up that you’re on hospital, but that was all. Stay as safe as you can. That’s enough platitudes. That’s all.

    • tinyratty

      07/02/2012 at 7:23 pm

      Thanks Jane, sending you all the spare strength I have via carrier pigeon,xxx

  4. Nigel

    07/02/2012 at 7:44 pm

    No need for sorry’s Amy; you’re stronger than you think.

    Dunno about you but it hardly seems like yesterday when it was the start of January… now a week of February has passed already. March will be here before you know it.

    Take care,

    • tinyratty

      07/02/2012 at 9:29 pm

      Thanks Nigel, your right, March isn’t that far away, it just feels like it when you are in here. But I guess the start of my new life is just around the corner and I need to be patient,x

  5. Zuzka

    07/02/2012 at 10:01 pm

    Fingers crossed that you’ll get the help you need very soon and that you’ll be safe until then, Amy.

    Sending hugs and lots of positive vibes.

  6. Helen Cushing

    08/02/2012 at 10:44 am

    Hi Amy so glad to hear from you even though you’ve been so poorly. I thought a bed had become available and you’d gone in.

    Please take care and know that the help will be with you soon.

    If its not too much of an intrusion can I have your hosp address and I’ll write to you.

    Know we’re all here for you. Please take care and always love and hugs Helen xx

  7. Simona

    09/02/2012 at 6:21 am

    I was thinking about you these last days and I’m glad to hear from you.soI’m sorry that things are not going as planned and that you are not feeling well.And I hope you get a bved in the specialist unit soon.I know this is probably just a little comfort, but after all, February is the shortest month of the year. So March will come around soon:)
    I’m out of the hospital but it’s still an ongoing battle with my own neurological illness. I don’t think you aren’t strong- you suffer from disorders that can be very unpredictable. I think you are very strong to be holding up the way you have been under those circumstances. Stay safe and know that there are some supportive people here, best wishes from Germany, S.

  8. michaelpaoli

    11/02/2012 at 4:37 am

    Well, good to at least hear from you.

    Roughly paraphrasing myself from before (okay, maybe I’m too lazy … err “efficient” to look up the specific reference(s) where I stated such before …) …
    … do what you need to do to keep yourself safe – e.g. using, bringing in, leveraging what resources are available and when there available, and getting what useful resources you can.
    Remember too, what you *want* isn’t necessarily what you *need* – keep that in mind and try to look at and sort it out rationally and logically – and generally good idea to run those thoughts by others, so they can help keep you on track as to helping you to at least rather well know and recognize, what ideas/thoughts/plans, etc. are good/useful/rational … and which ones, well, … aren’t.
    And too, don’t become too dependent upon or pin all your hopes all on any one particular resource (person, facility, medication, whatever). Any given bit might break or fail or not work well or as well as hoped or anticipated … of course too, some will sometimes rather to quite pleasantly surprise, and work better – even much better, than one would have guessed or presumed – so be open to that too.

    So, … do hang in there … it’s “fixable” … or mostly so, or at least much of it.

    And well, good at least that they’re having you stay someplace where they can pretty much keep you safe. All in all, given the extremes – and frequency – to which your self-harm has gone, that’s probably a rather to quite good thing – even if it may rather to quite annoy, frustrate, even anger you at times. Also, quite a lot of resources there – sure, not the absolute best and most specialized treatment one could hope for, but a whole lot of quite well qualified resources – all right there – and all quite interested in you getting better – and if they’re not able to do that there for you right now, to at least keep you rather to quite safe.

    So … you mentioned being interested in us writing you? Gonna provide us address(es) and other relevant bits for us to be able to mail you at these facilities (and anticipated dates at each)?


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