One thing I really do not talk about on my blog or YouTube account is alcohol, that is because I don’t drink, I had not had a drink since 21st June 2008, I had a bad alcohol problem and would sit and drink at least a litre of vodka a day on my own in my flat. I couldn’t go a day without it, the CMHT at the time said they could no longer see me as my drinking was out of hand, they kept saying I had to stop, but i couldn’t. The nail in the coffin was when I ruined my sisters 21st birthday party because of alcohol. I have not drank a drop since then, not a drop.
But the last few days I have been craving alcohol more than you could imagine, it has been on my mind constantly, just a little drink, go on, a small one won’t hurt, today I gave in, I bought a bottle of vodka, I am about half way through. I am so scared now that I won’t be able to stop, the only thing that kept me from drinking was that I did not want to break the promise I made to my family that I wouldn’t drink any more. I have broke that promise and I am doing the one thing I thought I really really thought I would never do again.
Alcohol is not good for me. I am weak.
I have been so proud to say up till now that I haven’t drank for 4 and a half years, now I can no longer say that, I have ruined it and I am scared, scared that I wont be able to stop again